Recently, there was my husband’s birthday and I gave him something … Myself … This is such a lively and non-standard gift! He was supposed to get it not immediately, but after a while, during our journey. We went to Goa and since that I became a “living doll” for my husband. He said that
this is the most original and desired gift. “ You bet!,” I thought…

How many of your male acquaintances have their wife presented herself as a gift? Moreover, in the literal sense, and not so that only for one night or an evening to surrender to his fantasies, but exactly to be a real living gift? How does a woman live who doesn’t belong to herself for three weeks? But after all, I gave myself and then my husband was the “master”…

  We went on a journey where it was forbidden to say "no" to a beloved man. I look through his eyes at everything that happens in the surrounding world and imbued with his feelings. Unquestioning fulfillment of his desires means that my ”I” will not exist. Of course, before deciding on this, a lot of opinions inside me already danced their wild dances, but the level of determination to become new to him and myself gave me courage. In fact, I love adventures, and this one is probably the sweetest of those I could decide on. How much inner courage is needed for this? And can it be measured on a scale?

I decided to conduct this experiment, even despite the fact that my and my husband’s views on rest differ significantly. I would surrender to the will of yoga and meditation, would attend various seminars and plunge into nirvana. And he is a researcher, not sitting still for a minute. At first I was scared, thinking that now everything will be completely different from what I usually do. But the brain threw a rational explanation – maybe it would be my meditation in motion?

Arriving in India sparked my interest: how is it when people think and decide for you, and you just obey and do? You just cannot get indignant and say ”no, it won’t be like that” You have to fully trust your husband and take him completely. Perhaps this is unconditional love? Accept all his desires as they are and surrender to the will of his decisions? And what if he goes beyond common sense and discovers the tyrant’s inclinations? And will I be cunning to gently and imperceptibly manipulate him if any of his wishes seem unpleasant to me? Or maybe I should just stop predicting, and then the cascade of transformations into new psychological states will
open up to both of us?

When I conceived it, it seemed to me that this journey would become unbridled and defiant. A new role would open a fresh look at familiar things. And the transformation of the personality would close the doors to the past life and open up opportunities for the new one. It’s been a
week since my husband and I came to Goa. Now I know that after this trip our family will never be the same again. And right now I say goodbye to those of us, whose images are already in the past and at the request of my husband I fly out to Delhi, then to Agra, and then to Jaipur …

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